I missed her

After the issue, i thought i could put down everything and started to hate her, but i realized i can't, i don't know why... the feeling of her to me is too strong, i missed shopping with her, i missed she choose those ties for my working suits, i missed having 2012 movie with her, i missed accompany her ride for the whole day and night in a boring day, i missed she supprised me in a middle of the night, i missed we smoking in a park while she letting her dog running around in there, i missed every joy being with her in the past few months, i missed we had a long long chat in msn without any tiring, i missed the days helping her shift house, i missed her everything... i really do. Ever since the day we broken up a year ago, i'm still here waiting nothing, waiting for a never happened miracle.

I'm hurt that she treated me that kind of way, i was pissed, feddup and disappointment of her, i forced myself to hate her, i find many ways to fake up myself, but why... the feeling is still there? why i love her til so depressed? suffering from a relationship that will not happened again, hoping for a answer that will never happen. I'm a fucker that fucking naive, yet i'm tired, yet i can never let go... i tried all over so many ways for the past 1 year to just forget a simple "her", but she is still in my mind...

Will there be a chance in the future for me to let go on this, ohh god... i'm really tired... tired being a dumb faggot waiting for miracles that will never happen, peoples said i'm dumb, naive... why shud i have to wait? there is so many girls out there... i don't have an answer towards them, and i don't even have an answer for myself... i just love her too too much and the feeling can't stop right now, the effort is too much and over flow...

Peoples always said, time past everything will be forget and forgive, but why not me?? zzzzz... i hope 1 day i really can settle down all this... and be a real me.